September 12 (BP) New York – World famous repudiator of all things worthy of repudiation has called for all organizations with a desire for social control to denounce Bill Belichick, coach of the New England Patriots. The franchise has been cited by the National Football League for violating prohibitions governing the use of video recorders on sidelines during games. Foxman, longtime head of the Anti-Defamation League, is a committed influence peddler according to respective sources. “Foxman uses incendiary comments to inflame tensions,” said one noted author on condition of anonymity.
At a press conference held in downtown Brooklyn this morning, Foxman blared, “I call on all people of good will and local, national and international organizations to repudiate this evil man, this adulterer, this cheater. He masquerades as a coach and as a leader of men. He is a false prophet – a minister in the Church of Hip Hop and he must be stopped. The New England Patriots must also atone for their sins and fire head coach Bill Belichick. For his sins, he should be ostracized by all of us who reject his brand of illegitimacy.” Foxman also declared he had preliminary conversations with Patriots team owner Bob Kraft about towing the line. Kraft was not available for comment.
A stunned press corps listened in silence. Foxman rambled on calling Belichick one of “the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” along with Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, Operation PUSH founder, the Reverend Jesse Louis Jackson and former Presidential Candidate Reverend Al Sharpton. Foxman is seeking a high level ecumenical meeting with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. There were rumblings at the press conference today about extending invitations to PETA and the Humane Society of the United States.
Confidential sources in the league office were quoted as saying, “We have no intention of meeting with the crazy loon. Our individual AIPAC contributions are well documented. We’ve outlined a clear censure for Coach Belichick and the Patriots franchise. Does he think we’re Black Democrats or something?” Commissioner Goodell was not available for comment.
The New England Patriots are scheduled to play the San Diego Chargers this Sunday. In last year’s American Conference Championship game, the Patriots defeated the heavily favored Chargers in San Diego by a score of 24-21. No allegations of foul play have surfaced in this game where oddsmakers predicted the San Diego team would win by more than a touchdown.
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