The Key to the Patriots Genius: Belichick Revealed

The single greatest force behind the Super Bowl greatness of the New England Patriots…

The Performance-Enhancing Director

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ESPN’s Chris Mortensen is reporting that yesterday the J-E-T-S, Jets! Jets! Jets! yanked a dude OUT of the stands who was filming their coaches play signals. According to an NFL source cited by Mort, this is the SAME GUY (not pictured above) who was removed from the stands last season in Lambeau Field during a game against the overmatched Green Bay Packers. Belichick’s pimp game is so tight that Mort never even mentions him in the article. Barry Bonds could be coaching the New England Patriots for all anyone would know after reading this article.


You know this is not the first time. You know it. Maybe you don’t know. You didn’t think Glaus and Ankiel could be dirty – and now that they are, you don’t care. You thought the Angels and Cardinals and ‘Roid Sox were good old boys, never meaning no harm. Remember when the Yankees accused the Angels of doing the same thing? Mangini saw it coming. He warned the league before the start of the game. The penalty for the Pats could be a draft pick. That’s a steep price to pay for insight on a protege. On all counts, you’d think the Pats would know better – literally and ethically. Maybe Billy’s not spending all those late nights watching film. Maybe he has a Lewinski on the side. Maybe he’s trying to score some HGH for the rest of team. Who knows what’s going on in New England these days. I remember when everyone was so concerned about how Moss would mesh with the Patriots. The writers know Randy like they know Barry. Given Randy’s considerable charity work and relatively minor indiscretions, he might be able to teach his new teammates a few things about the ethics of ditching your baby mama for the hootchie of the month, using HGH in violation of league rules, and taping your competition to gain an edge.

Sex, Lies and Videotape…New England style. The headlines that never were…

Brady’s Bonin’ Bundchen, Moves Beyond Baby Mama Drama

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“Randy, what should I do? I mean, who should I do?”

Pats Linebacking Corps of Vrabel, Johnson and Bruschi Played with Concussions Fueled by ‘Roid Rage

“Ted Johnson, the latest in a long line of feeble-minded athletes (Rick Ankiel, Jason Giambi, Steve Balboni, etc.) complained that his coach made him play with concussions. Can anyone take the word of a man who metes out violence for a living? How could someone as ethical, perfect and kind as Coach Belichick “make” this man do anything he did not want to do? Is Johnson a plant of the J-E-T-S, Jets! Jets! Jets!? Where does all of this irrational hate come from? Coach B is just a good guy who works hard. Johnson needs to get his story together.”

One minute you’re taking pictures and working against domestic violence, the next minute you’re throwing your wife through a bookcase. Was it the steroids? Was it the concussions? Why didn’t you do like Nancy Reagan? Was it all because of Billy’s Pimp Game?

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“Ronnie, just say ‘No!'”

Belichick Learned the Art of Filming Opponents from Military Dad, Super Bowls were child’s play

Bill’s dad, Steve, served in the US Army during WWII with an amphibious task force in the Pacific. Perhaps it was from tales of his father’s experience that young Billy developed his life-long love of surveillance on the football field. In the military, it was always critical to intercept communications from the enemy. Coach Belichick said, “I learned as a toddler how to steal signs from across the playground. While other youngsters were playing on the monkey bars, I was honing my skills at the art of the steal. I’ve become so good at it (“Look at my rings!”), I’ve supplanted Rickey Henderson as the “Greatest of All Times. You know he stole my line. I was planning on using that after winning my fifth Super Bowl in 2009. And you know I never learned anything from Parcells, right. Okay.”

Amphibious Team Landing

Little Beneficiaries of Moss’ Charity Believe He’ll Lend Character to Floundering Pats

The Real Randy Moss.

And you wondered why all your memories of this team involve their damned kicker!!!

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Adam Vinatieri vaults the Video Boys into history.

It’s ironic that the coach credited with the best use of situational substitutions for role players has the best case of Situational Ethics on record in the league. Humor may have been used for effect, but there is very little worth laughing about in New England.

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