1. Two years ago I lost my oldest friend. It definitely can change you forever and make life seem so acute and real. It is overwhelming.

  2. The pain of loss is a mighty mighty inducement to self-remembering. It should be born bravely and fully, THAT is the discipline.

    Real self-remembering is emotional.

    It is a feeling of force entering, as if something had opened inside you.

    Self-remembering stops thought.

    Self-remembering is a birth pang of conscience

  3. Many cultures have extended ritual grieving/wake/sitting shiva periods which can last days, weeks and even months. One of the main ideas behind this is that the living should never be left alone, that their attachment to the deceased can literally pull them into the grave. This of course is hardly done in modern/secular culture, because it requires that all involved be wiling to stand at the edge of the grave and peer into it. To remember the fragility and temporality of all lives.

    In modern cultures we tend to think that one should greive alone, that it is a private process, the result being that for many of us, our grief becomes “frozen.” In more “traditional” situations, you would be surrounded allmost of the time –for a certain period — with those who love you and/or those who loved him. You wouldn’t have to ask, they would just be there. Just there for you however you are. Reminding you that there is still much to live for.

    Instead, so many of us find ourselves even more alone. Not only are we missing the one who has passed, but we are isolated from the living, who are trying with all their might to maintain their delusion of immortality.

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