McNabb to Washington: Unflappable Eagle Heads South

NFL quarterback Donovan McNabb has been traded from the Philadelphia Eagles to the Washington Redskins.  A quick run down of the facts: McNabb was drafted 2nd overall in the 1999 NFL draft, ahead of projected favorite Ricky Williams.  McNabb gets unceremoniously booed, but shrugs it off and begins his tenure as the Great Unflappable Eagle.

The oil and water marriage results in a ton of franchise records being set; multiple playoff appearances; Pro Bowl appearances; and a lone Super Bowl defeat to the New England Patriots.  There were some heart-breaking losses to teams that delusional fans just knew the Eagles would vanquish!  Who were these bums from Tampa or Carolina or St. Louis to dare and defeat us?  Never mind our dirty laundry replete with pink(ston) t(h)rash bags.  Never mind our cute, cuddly and fragile rush game (Staley, Buckhalter, Westbrook).  Never mind the diminishing returns from our shrinking defensive tackles.  Nope, never you mind.  As the hate-love-hate relationship evolved, there were countless moments of “Philadelphians being Philadelphians” and acting as though civility and common decency are to be ceremoniously discarded (like bad breast implants).  Broad Street’s civilian bullies tried to grit their teeth (and show their tits) as a means of getting a rise out of the head bird.

Nothing worked on Mr. Never Irked.  Not the how-low-can-you-go-pill-poppin’-pundit, not the boorish and amateurish “player,” not even the punk ass finesse play calling of the Eatinest Eagle of All.  Maybe folks just wanted to see a little Charlie Hustle…a little Nails Dykstra…a little criminality?  A little of themselves.

So, the “Filthadelfians” branded the bird a turkey and quickly sought to have the wings clipped.  How fitting, then, that these fits of animus would result in a turkey being given to, of all franchises, the Redskins.

At the end of the day, I suspect that the team in Philadelphia will perform to the level of their talent.  The franchises’ Supermen are all gone now.  No more swooping Dawkins; no more 70 yard screen plays from Westbrook; no more 14 second miracles from McNabb vs. the star-crossed demons from Dallas.  The longest-tenured birdman remaining at the new Alcatraz on the Lincs is David Akers.

The new-fangled, footloose and fancy free Philadelphia Eagles will be the youngest, most exciting team in the entire NFL.  Without a single player on offense who knows how to win a big game, the city is sure to revel in the shared experience of growing together.  It’s called rebuilding.   “Down goes Balboa!”

How To Topple Larger Than Life Figures 101

Fade to DC.  In the wildest of all scenarios, 5 + 15 + 81 = 45.